My Beginnings

I’ve never liked beginnings.

But, finally, I’m starting to learn about them.

Not so much about them, I guess.

More so about how to start them.

Beginnings don’t come every day.

They come when your mind is ready for them.

They come when your heart is longing for them.

And they come when you are serious about them.

We don’t get beginnings often.

Not the fresh start, new adventure ones.

Nor the unique, ear-to-ear smiling ones.

No, those feel few and far between.

Often, we get the stomach-wrenching & heart-pounding ones.

The stress-rising & completely unexpected ones.

I think it is safe to claim that no one lives day-to-day, excited & ready for those beginnings.

Rather, these beginnings catch us off guard & stuck thinking:

"This is my life."

"This is just how it goes."

"This always happens to me."

"I wish it were different."

"Why?"

Followed by:

"This is what always happens next..."

Or

"It will never change."

Sometimes we get caught in our routine routines.

Stay with me here.

Routines aren’t always a good thing.

Routines are what keep us stuck.

Good routines and good habits are starkly different

than bad routines and bad habits,

but let’s not get off track.

Back to the beginning.

There’s something about these beginnings

I’m learning I love something about them.

Something about getting on top of things,

Recognizing failure,

Trying again,

Working hard,

Failing again,

Learning patience.

And again,

Trying over, and over, and over.

That’s not to say all beginning opportunities come with motivation.

Often, beginnings come,

quickly ended in failure.

And my routine routines stay the routine—starting over and over and over, and ending over and over and over.

Sorry for the repetition.

I hope you get the point.

Basically, I don’t welcome that big, scary word “failure.”

In the beginning, I said I don’t like beginnings.

I’m now adding that I don’t like failure,

and to finish it off, I certainly don’t like endings.

So, what do I like?

Well, at this point, it seems like nothing.

But maybe that’s the best place to start.

When you’ve learned what you do like,

the routines that you don’t like,

and

the ones that always end in frustrating situations,

you learn.

And it’s not necessarily a slow process.

It moves quite quickly.

Because news flash… we mess up a bagillion times a day.

The only thing left to do

is brave a beginning,

brave a new start,

accept discomfort.

But that’s daunting,

just like staying where you’re at.

Instead of just braving discomfort,

try a different approach.

Maybe try purposely failing.

Purposely start a heartfelt habit,

and purposely fail at it.

Then, put yourself in the same situation.

When that opportunity for change comes,

decide the second time to make a change.

Now, it is less daunting than the first time.

Then a third time comes,

and you can change or fail.

If you fail,

then you’ll know by the fourth what to do,

and that fourth time,

you’ll feel comfortable making the change.

Then by the fifth time,

and the sixth,

and the seventh,

and the eighth,

you’ll remember how the second and fourth times felt.

And if you are serious about wanting change,

you will master that change.

And become a master of your fate.

I guess that’s how we become comfortable with beginnings.

We don’t.

We become brave in discomfort.

So, be brave and hold on.

Change will come.

Make it feel good.