My Happiness is Quiet

I shared with a congregation of people about happiness.

Not because I’m feeling it,

Because recently, it’s fleeting, sparse, and quiet.

Did I want to share? 

No.

I did it anyway. 

For many reasons.

But most importantly, I was committing to myself.

To keep trying.

To keep fighting for that easy smile.

Do I know how? 

No.

Have I figured it out? 

No.

But I am trying.

So, instead of sharing thoughts about happiness,

I shared about the loss of happiness.

I shared about what I am feeling now.

And, I shared that 

I will be okay. 🙂 

Recently,

Quotes, videos, and posts have been filling my mind. 

All of similar things — struggles and a lack of happiness.

All with one theme — Jesus.

So Sunday, in church

I got up to share with myself and especially with God… again… 

I will keep trying. 

I will keep fighting.

Even when happiness feels distant, and emotion shakes my every word.

Even in front of congregations, when I want my struggles hidden.

I will keep going.

I will keep sharing.

And in the end, 

My faith will grow stronger. 

I am not angry at this trial, but rather deciding to conquer.

Accepting what I have been given, 

Repeating frequently my grandma’s phrase, “that’s just the way it goes.”

Some might argue that mindset.

Go ahead.

Sounds exhausting.

Rather than argue,

I will save my energy.

And I will keep going.

With a smile.

Because it’s easier that way.

I’ve debated sharing my deepest beliefs on the blog.

I have concluded that if I don’t, my story will be bland.

The world will not truthfully be seen through my eyes.

The details will be forgotten, and the moments will always be shallow.

Here goes nothing.

I love Jesus. 

He is my friend.

I have faith.

My core questions are answered - why I am here, where I am going, and what my purpose is.

I have a relationship with God.

I know He is kind. 

And I love Him.

Through my testimony centered on Jesus and God, 

I know that I will one day look back at these essential years with a smile as tears glide down my face.

But then, those tears will be different. 

They will be filled with compassion and confidence.

Looking back, I will know I did what I could, fought a good fight, and kept my faith.

During these trying, difficult, character-building years,

I might not know what to do.

I might not know where to go.

And often, I might not know what to say

But I do know trials are temporary.

I have been in this spot before. 

I am sure you have been here too.

Trials.

Battles.

Fighting.

Winning.

Rejoicing.

Overcoming.

Trials.

Battles.

Fighting.

Winning.

Rejoicing.

Overcoming.

It always has a way of coming around. 

But who’s to say how long?

So in the meantime,

Keep the fight.

Keep the faith.

Keep the smile.

The future is exciting.

Savor the moments.

Enjoy the journey.